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So as some of you might know, I've had some very good finishes since joining TPE. Since then I've really been wanting to play in more and more tournaments. However with this desire, comes more time commitment, and not a very happy wife.
So I tried to play some cash games which don't involve a huge time commitment, and of course just donk my money. I don't have a level head for cash games, and I tilt way too easy. I have always been successful ant sngs/tournaments and it seems that's my game I should stick with. However, with the wife getting irritated, and the thought of having kids soon, I don't know if I'll have the time to put in as much volume as I need to be very successful.
Has anyone else experienced this? Any ideas on how I can remedy this situation?
Thanks,
Ryan (rdubb12)
October 6, 2010
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start playing SNGs etc, even single table SNGs that dont take too much time.
on the home/wife front, i would say set out some clearly defined times for poker, and try not to play outside those times.
im not sure how often you play, but an example could be thursday nights is poker night, and on other nights, you either dont play, or only play with blessing from your mrs.
the worst thing that can happen is for your wife to feel like you are always playing and taking away from your time together or with kids etc, as sooner or later it will become a problem. so i would say, have some clearly defined poker and non poker times that your wife is happy with as well.
that worked really well for me, i only really play on thursday and friday as well as some sat nights, but i play much longer sessions on those days because my wife isn't as annoyed anymore because i dont play at all on the other days (well rarely anyway)
hope that helps.
very good advice. Remember these tournaments are there every night. Play when you can, but dont go overboard. I usually play when my wife wants to watch a show that I don't like(American Idol). Past that I dont play. I don't care about volume and ROI. I play what I can afford when I can. You will work it out. Wife>poker 100% of the time.
October 6, 2010
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there was a time where i was pretty much playing every night, from about 10pm to 1am probably, and it caused a few issues with the mrs, but now i have thursdays and fridays, and i usually start my session about 730, finish about 1am on thursday and 3am on friday, and i get more hours in, which means i can play bigger tourneys, and it is better with my wife because i rarely play outside those times, unless she goes to bed early or something.
Great post Benny! In addition to his suggestions about setting aside a days of the week to play. Set aside a date night once a week to take her out and never play or talk about poker on that day.
Every Saturday I make sure to spend Saturday with my gf and I always try to make it fun. One Saturday a month I think of a cool day trip to take her on. This leaves her felling much less disappointed when I sneak away on Sunday for a 12 hr sesion.
October 6, 2010
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savant111 said:
Great post Benny! In addition to his suggestions about setting aside a days of the week to play. Set aside a date night once a week to take her out and never play or talk about poker on that day.
TPE Management
April 6, 2010
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Im really fortunate to have a HUGELY supportive wife. I play 3-4 nights per week from 8 PM – 4 AM or so and it takes a pretty special breed to put up with going to bed alone more than half the week.
One thing that I think helps is talking openly and honestly with her about what poker means to you, but also some other specifics about poker. Like what kind of volume is required, the time commitment needed for study. I've even explained to my wife why Sundays are important and things like that.
My wife actaully wrote the outline of an article for the site that was pretty funny/insightful. I'll see if we can get it finished and posted.
Good advice guys, my additions.
Always be up front about when you are going to play and any money you deposit. Give her plenty of advanced notice so she isn’t suprised about you’re schedule.
Always finish your chores before playing. Hang that picture, change the oil in the car, mow the grass or whatever. She will be more receptive to your playing if you don’t slack off on your regular duties.
Remind her that she is more important to you than poker.
Killingbird said:
Im really fortunate to have a HUGELY supportive wife. I play 3-4 nights per week from 8 PM – 4 AM or so and it takes a pretty special breed to put up with going to bed alone more than half the week.
One thing that I think helps is talking openly and honestly with her about what poker means to you, but also some other specifics about poker. Like what kind of volume is required, the time commitment needed for study. I've even explained to my wife why Sundays are important and things like that.
My wife actaully wrote the outline of an article for the site that was pretty funny/insightful. I'll see if we can get it finished and posted.
This is the thing, she says, if I knew all of this before I married you, I never would have married you lol. Harsh hey? I'm sure she was just pissed off in the moment. But she goes on to say that the weekends are for the family. Meaning, no playing on Sundays.
She has no problem with me playing alot right now, but in 1-2 years when the first kid comes i don't know what I will do.
We had the discussion that my dream is to play poker proffesionally. I told her the chances are VERY slim, but the dream is what keeps me going you know? I wouldn't play poker just as a hobby. I love the game, but sometimes I would rather play vids etc. But I play because I know that i'm good at the game, and that one day COULD let me leave my job.
But she's not cool with the hours that playing as a pro involve. She wants to have me go to bed with her, and be available on the weekends. She says she wants me to just have a normal 9-5 job. Is it even possible to go pro playing mostly 9-5 and a couple week nights? I dunno.
one thing that i think might help, as it kinda did with me ( although my wife is very supportive of anything i do poker or music) tell her you see it as more of a second job, unless its your only job, then see above posts.
rdubb12 said:
However with this desire, comes more time commitment, and not a very happy wife.
So I tried to play some cash games which don't involve a huge time commitment, and of course just donk my money.
Wow, I've got exactly the same problem…
Have you considered playing HUSNG? They are a lot easier to fit into your schedule, and this article convinced me to start learning it:
The rush tournaments on Tilt are quicker. Also you could late reg into tournaments. If you want to play professionally then you need to study hard and show a good profit. If you are playing full-time and making lots of money you will have more time to spend with your partner and she'll be happy with the extra money.
Very good replies to this post. I have a wife and 2 kids 5 years and 7 months. I can’t really play during the week cuz of working 5am til bout 2. If I start right when I get home from work that is no good due to them coming home and having dinner and such. So I stay away during the week and use that time to hit the forums and vids hard. Make sure not to slack on the shit your are suppose to get done around house and such. My Friday and saturday nights I reg from bout 9 til mid depending on how deep I go usually can 6 table comfortably. Sundays would love to grind but it’s dinner day at the mother inlaws so I keep her happy 1 Sunday I go the next I don’t. The mrs doesn’t have a prob with me playing she will even sit in if I am late from break. She also knows that I take my game very serious. No intent on going pro but, if one day I can go a play some circuit events she is cool with it. Play within your br and straighten it out with her first on what your intentions with poker are and shit will work out. Would she rather u at the bar from 9 to 2 or at home grinding? FTW
Hey all good stuff here, and I thought I was one of the few dealing with Life/Work/Poker Balance 
. Since my wife has a career of her own (she is a life coach like Sam Chahuan) we actually need to juggle schedules with the kids etc… so one thing that helps is I actually send her way in advance on outlook via an invitation those tournaments I want to play that are on a non regular time for when I play, for example FTOPS, MiniFTOPS, WCOOPS. I usally pick one or 2 a week only for those series and then I commit to being with the family or give her free time some other times, that works wonders as it is not one of those “sorry honey I'm making a deep run so tonight I am not having dinner with you and the Kids” conversations which do not end good….
One other suggestion is sometimes I just plan to wake up reallly early and play say the 6:00 AM tourneys so I am done by noon on a saturday or sunday. They plan something in the morning and the we are all together for the rest of the day
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