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February 5, 2015
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Well, time for another Riceman thread.
To be honest I am getting pretty frustrated by seemingly not being able to close. Is that the correct term? When one battles through 90% of the field using one’s wits and experience with finesse (ok, and some good fortune), only to wilt under the pressure of the final few tables. I had it again tonight…in the Big 11. 5000 entrants, whittled down to 23 and I’m totalled. The worst part is, I need to be up early tomorrow. A few grand is worth the late night, but when I wreck my sleep in the hope of a good score, and end up getting $120, I really begin to feel like the most intrinsic of losers. (And my wife even got up to use the bathroom. She was angry I was still awake. “But there are only 35 left out of 5000 sweetheart, $6K to the winner! This could be it!”. She absent-mindedly deadpans in reply “But you never win do you?”. She doesn’t even close the door as she takes a pee, such is her lack of respect for my game and my situation. Great inspiration, but I understand her point…up until now, she has always been right. “Go to bed you asshole” is what she says to me as she leaves).
I watch in anguish and respect as the other players all seem to know just what to do…well, most of them. (But even the fish seem to luckbox their way to enormous stacks). I tell myself to calm down. I take extra long breathing cycles. I tell myself “this is not a turbo, I don’t need to push every edge!”. But then I think “I should be more aggressive, maybe I should be pushing every angle all the time!”. My strategy becomes confused. I think I must be getting tired, so I make a strong coffee. Well that’s a mistake, now I’m so wired on caffeine I can’t think straight. Or I think I am over-stimulated, so I take a weak alcoholic drink…just enough so I can think without over-thinking. Then I regret that.
Frankly, and to sum it all up…
I am beginning to fear that there are indeed winners and losers in life. Due to a chemical inbalance, mental retardation, or even sheer cowardice, I am beginning to fear that I might very well fall into the category of “loser”; that the “winners” simply have the correct amount of the right chemical pumping round their brains, or maybe they have smaller adrenaline glands and therefore don’t become overwhelmed by the situation…or maybe they simply just have bigger balls than me…Or whatever…
I suppose I am asking…what makes a winner psychologically speaking?
I hold out one hope…
I have spoken at length about this with my best pal, Mick, one tough dude, ex Royal Marine Commando, veteran gambler, and all round good egg, and he insists that exposure to the situation is the key. Simply just to put oneself into the stressful situation over and over again, until it becomes routine.
I think there is some mileage in what he says: for sure in 180 man turbos I feel like a master of the bubble…no nerves whatsoever. Perhaps this is because I have been in the very late stages of 180 mans so often that it has indeed become routine to me. In fact, I remember the first ever time I FT’d an $8 180 man…I was actually physically shaking, and I even rang around some of my friends to tell them the momentous news…what a sad case!).
OK so maybe I have made obsolete this thread and answered my own question.
But I am sure I cannot be alone in my feelings about this. Are there any books which can help me? Or is immersion in the experience of a situation the key to mastering it?
Many thanks as always people!
TPE Pro
December 6, 2012
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Tournaments are gnarly beasts. I know it seems like you have come a long way and are very close to winning, but the truth is that if 23 people remain and you have average skill and an average stack, your odds of winning are less than 5%. Not that you shouldn’t try to improve, but you probably also need to lower your expectations.
Also, not that it’s my place to play therapist or marriage counselor, but this isn’t the first time you’ve mentioned poker interfering with other aspects of your life and being a source of friction with your wife. If people who are close to you are telling you that poker is interfering with other things that are important, you should consider listening to them.
When you stay up late and wreck yourself for work the next day, you don’t know whether it will be for thousands or for $120. All you have is an expected value, which is maybe a few hundred dollars at this stage of the tournament, but was probably only $50 or so at the time that you otherwise would have gone to bed. Is wrecking your sleep worth $50 to you?
February 5, 2015
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Ahhh! I actually love it when Matt or yourself play marriage counsellor!
I promise you this is true: before I joined TPE I did indeed have an unhealthy relationship with the game, in hindsight. I was playing 30+ hours a week, which is not so much for a pro, but for a rec.with a full time job, it is a lot.
After taking advice from those at TPE, I have re-organized my priorities in life. I now prioritise my family at all times instead of always being poker focused.
It might be different if we relied on my extra income from poker, but I was never a significant winner anyway, so now as I move into MTTs, I am taking a way more relaxed approach to the game.
As far as poker being a source of friction with my wife, I shall give you an example of my day yesterday and you tell me honestly whether I still have unreasonable demands around my poker schedule…
I had yesterday off. I spent the whole day doing the school run, doing the shopping, and painting the house. All I asked, was that on Wednesday evening, I am left alone to play some poker for the evening. In fact I have Wednesdays and Thursdays off, so the reason I had to be up early was not to go to work, but just take the kids to school. So I can crash afterwards, which is what I did. There is no way I would let poker get in the way of my job.
You know, really since I re-prioritised my family over poker, there really is very little friction around it. It is more that I just don’t think she believes in me. She views it as a waste of time.
Sometimes I think I should just go back to grinding 180s, as she had more faith when I was making money.
But MTTs are where my heart lies. I can’t deny that.
Very interesting when you break those numbers down. It puts it into perspective.
I just feel I am way overdue for a significant score…
February 5, 2015
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So I shall give you an example of an unhealthy relationship to the game we love.
I always hear on the podcasts the same story of how folks got into poker. Moneymaker, college home games and StarCraft are the usual ingredients. Well, I had never heard of any of those things when I started out.
My story begins in my truck, when I was making a delivery. I had Texas Holdem King 2 on my Blackberry. The chef at the pub I was delivering to asked me what I was playing, and when I told him he asked me if I was playing for real money. “What?” I asked, “you can play this for money online?”
“You just reminded me” the chef said, “I have to withdraw some money from my Stars account, I am taking the girlfriend skiing.”
Now he had my attention. Here was this dude probably 20 years old probably earning not that much, taking $5k out to take his girl to Val D’Isere. I was lucky if I could take my wife to McDonald’s.
So I went home and downloaded Stars. I remember my first 180 man. I remember my head was spinning after…I felt like a kiddie who had just ridden the horse on the carousel at the fairground…what fun! I was instantly into it.
Anyway, I lost. For a long time. But I had recently given up a very expensive vice, and changed my shift pattern at work so I had more days off each week. I had disposable income and time to learn. It all came together for me in that respect. Poker really helped me get over a really serious problem I had. I will always be grateful for that.
Then I remember one Christmas. It all changed. And I began to win. My graph not only stopped it’s terminal descent, but even started climbing.
But I was still inexperienced. If I took a beat, especially in the last game before bed, I would freak! Once, I punched my computer so hard I dented the case, then threw it across the room. It broke. Tragically, on repair I lost all my unbacked database of hands. Another time, I punched a hole in the wall. The hole is still there and I still have that laptop…an Asus. I will never buy another brand again, it’s amazing.
My mood was determined by how poker was going. I must have been hell to be around. I wasn’t addicted, trust me, I already know what that feels like, but I was over driven to succeed. My wife banned me from playing in the house, so I had to take my setup down Costa to play.
This got very expensive, as I had to constantly drink coffee. I ended up sampling every single coffee they make, some costing £5 or more. I particularly remember a creation with vanilla and strawberry ice cream costing £7!
One night, stupidly, I reg’d for the Sunday Storm. This was stupid on 2 counts. First, I needed to work at 6am, second if my wife caught me playing in the house she would turn the WiFi off and probably kick me out. She was up all night, and I could see her leg where she sat in the kitchen, as I hid in the corner of the conservatory hiding, pretending to be asleep. I went deeper and deeper in the thing. 10 o’clock, 11, 1 am, 2 am. I began to realise my mistake. 52000 entrants and by 4 am there were 20 of us left.
Well, I busted, got 1 hours sleep and $600. My wife never found out.
Anyway, I tell this story for anyone else struggling with an unhealthy relationship to poker. It is only with hindsight and experience that I see how problematic my relationship was to the game. Now, I don’t let poker dictate the rules of engagement. My family and my job come first, I don’t reg for a tournament unless I have ample time to final table it. And I have learned how to take a bad beat… Or even 10 in a row, with a shrug and a smile. Not a broken laptop or damaged masonry.
And if you are still at the stage in your poker journey where you tilt excessively and are liable to break your hardware, make sure at least that you have that DB backed up!
July 7, 2012
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Winning is a mindset and to a certain extent a “catch 22”, the more you win the easier it is to win, its the same in sports as well. Take the World Cup Winning England rugby team for example. They weren’t always the best team on the pitch and didn’t always play the best rugby – but they knew how to win and always believed that they could win, even if it was winning ugly they could turn things around and grind out a result. And as poker players that’s how we need to be.
But, how do you get to win in the first place? If you are used to winning at 180’s, closing out an MTT is not that much different technically and the scenario should feel similar/familiar. But it seems that you are putting way more pressure on yourself than any of your opponents ever could. We are our own worst enemies in poker.
If you don’t have it get Jared Tendlers “The Mental Game of Poker” book (buy the physical book not an ebook). It has helped me massively in the past month. I never had a problem with winning, but I had a lot of tilt / anger issues in poker that were seriously affecting my overall results. I am sooo much more consistent and level headed now and still working on it.
Take a break from from the big sites with big fields and massive variance. Go play on one of the smaller sites for a month or two. Rack up a bunch of small wins, it will boost your confidence and your BR.
February 5, 2015
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Hey Turbulence thanks for your thoughts.
You are very astute. If that is the correct word. How on Gods earth did you guess I’d bought Tendler’s book as an ebook…and stopped reading it because of that?!! Amazing!
Really that is some next level read right there!
I’ve got more to say but I’ll leave it til tomorrow!
You are one sharp cookie my man…
TPE Pro
August 25, 2012
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I don’t have time right now to write a longer response, but I will say that if there’s even a tiny chance of breaking your computer equipment as a result of tilt – i.e. if that is something you have to actively fight against – then you have deeper issues going on than poker.
TPE Pro
July 14, 2015
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TLDR
but i did read the 1st paragraph or so…
I think you are experiencing 1 of the following a) scared money and scared of not making the final table b) psychological issue unrelated to poker c) you are lacking some of the “moves” the other players have due to lack of study/knowledge
stop playing altogether, get a 1 on 1 poker coach, watch a good player on twitch (not the dreamers inc type of stream)
1 month or 2 months later after you’ve studied 40-60 hours give it another shot
poker is a very easy game to learn
a very easy game to think you are good at
its almost impossible to win at this game if you do not study/work/criticize yourself for the smallest sizing error
if this isnt for you, then league of legends is a free to play game
(not being mean, my version of love is tough love) <3
February 5, 2015
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“Deeper issues going on than poker” Matt?
Absolutely no question, I’m a psycho of sorts. What makes you so chilled out all the time anyway? You always seem to be passing judgement on members mental imbalances I notice…quite the talent!
“League of Legends is free to play”?
Extremely constructive comment and exactly what I pay money to TPE to hear.
Not being sarcastic …just my version of humour.
Yes I’m an absolute chemically imbalanced headbanging nutter (believe you me you don’t know the half of it) who would be materially richer if I had downloaded League Of Legends that day instead of Pokerstars.
Indeed, sadly this is the truth. Thank you TPE pros for pointing this out to me.
Luckily I have a sense of humour else I might be offended.
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