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June 29, 2012
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hello everyone ive been a member for a while longer than it actually says cause my membership lapsed. and had to renew. I don’t participate much in the forums because I’m not good with computers. but I watch all the videos and listen to all the pocasts. I’m looking for some help outside the normal aa and rehab. I currently see a therapist and a psycologist for anxiety and depression also drinking. they are not doing much good. I was playing my heart out and finally started to make some final tables not in the black but it was going good. met a girl and fell in love fast. like hed over heels fast. move 600 miles away for work with her after knowing her for three months. well she left me in our hotel room after 1 month this was the end of October. ever since ive had horrible anxiety and depression benn drinking way to much self medicating. idont even know what I’m asking for from you gus, maybe just some kind words or advice idk. I don’t have any friends lol so any replys will be appreciated. just want to start a dialogue with you all and maybe get my head clear. thaks for any help,. as I read this back I realzize 
is rambling also filled with punctuation and grammar errors. I apologize but I’m drunk and miserable. thank you guys for any consideration. and no I do not need a stake. I have a bankroll so don’t think this is a pity party I will not be asking for $.
February 20, 2015
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Keep seeing the therapist. Above all else, keep seeing the therapist. And trust your therapist. It’s your only true ally when you’re all alone.
Hang in there. Don’t worry about people judging you, and don’t feel like you have to explain yourself to anyone. Stick with routines that can generate a positive feedback loop, and listen to and trust your therapist. For me it made all the difference. Good luck.
February 5, 2015
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Hey jensen!
“I don’t need a stake” lol.
I’d go with Joel’s advice and keep seeing your therapist, however with a caveat: not all therapists are great. In fact, I went through several before I found a truly great one. If your guy is not working for you, you need to find one who does.
I don’t know how serious your thing is with alcohol. I will say that I consider alcohol to be one of the three hardest of hard drugs. Being left high and dry by a girl can be akin to a bereavement, if you felt close to her. Brother, its tough. Most all of us can empathise with that one for sure.
Alcohol is a chemical depressant. If your mood is already low, alcohol is guaranteed to bring you lower. That is just a fact.
Regarding reaching out to TPE’ers, well I understand that one. I can’t say I have made any lifelong friends here yet at TPE, but for certain the community here has been the only group of people I have ever been able to be honest with about my past. There are others here, including myself, who have also suffered serious, even life threatening, addictions in our past. I can’t speak for everybody, but personally I have never felt judged by anybody here when I have been honest about issues from my past. TPE is the first place in my life where I have felt able to be honest about my history. This community means a great deal to me because of that alone.
So chin up my man, if you are at all able. You’re not alone going through this shit.
And no, you can’t have a stake, but you say you got a roll, which is more than I’ve got…so you can stake me if you want! (joke)
December 3, 2013
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mfgjensen, don’t have much to add, but sorry to hear you’re having a hard time. Sounds like you are a pretty serious poker player, but if you live in an urban area maybe find some home games (maybe through Meetup?) in your area so you can socialize a bit in a way that shouldn’t be too taxing. It’s hard to motivate yourself when you’re depressed, but you will ultimately feel better if you get out a little in the world and make some friends — you’ve already taken the step of posting this, which is great.
If you don’t think your therapist is a good match for you then definitely try someone else.
Joel, who noted the routines and positive feedback loop, is totally right. Try some easy forms of socializing (like home games). Exercise. Get good therapy. Keep at it. You’ll start to feel better for a few minutes at a time, then an hour, then longer stretches.
Good luck, and know that many people have gone through this and come out the other side.
February 5, 2015
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Agree, 100%…get in to exercise. Maybe you already do. I know it is the last thing you want to think about probably, when I started out in recovery I started exercising and it just made me want to get out of my mind again…like “is this what regular folk are in to? Feeling like shit already and then making yourself feel worse? I’m just not cut out for this regular life”. Before long, though, I was in to it. Now, my exercise routine forms part of the backbone of the structure of my life. I’m still a fat idiot mind you…when I gave up drugging full time I started eating full time, but 100% there is a man of muscle beneath the fat! I’m not that fat, I am 182 cm and 95 kilos if you are interested!
Whatever, keep in touch. I know some mental spaces can feel like the loneliest prisons in existence, but guaranteed, there are many others who have felt similar or worse to yourself who found their way out.
TPE Management
April 6, 2010
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mfgjensen, I’m glad you feel comfortable enough in these forums to post your story here,and I’m sorry to hear you are struggling. Addiction is tough man. It’s killed more than one of my friends over there years. Even if you have no friends where you are now, know that you have friends here.
I’ve never worked with a therapist, but I know people who sweat by theirs. Perhaps look in to a new one if you feel it is not working for you?
I feel like if I were in your shoes I would also seek out some social groups in your area that could provide some distractions from the depression and perhaps also lead to some more friends. Have hobbies outside of poker? Maybe there are some meetups in your area for those that you could attend.
Either way, we are here. hit us up any time.
June 29, 2012
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thanks for the positive support guys. since I posted last I’m working things out with my Gf, saw my therapist and psychiatrist and managed to quit drinking for a few days. I’m already felling better. its nice to know I can always count on tpe nation. hope to see you at the tables soon. def want to try to make the meet up in Vegas this year, so hope to finally meet some of the guys in person. thanks again and ill keep you posted with any updates hopefully 2017 is the year for optimism and positive happenings.
February 20, 2015
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We can promise you a sober time or two if you make it out to the World Series this year. Overeating, well, that’s always a concern, but it’s always fun to try a different vice, isn’t it?
TPE Management
April 6, 2010
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joelshitshow said
We can promise you a sober time or two if you make it out to the World Series this year.
Yup! would be happy to hang one night in an alcohol free setting! eat some good food, talk some poker.
February 5, 2015
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Yeah alright KB…I believe you might be able to resist…for a part of an evening! I never even met you but I know you man hehe… I know the love for the beers you have from the podcasts!
(then again…who am I to talk?)
I really want to go to the WSOP but I can’t afford it. Do they have any $8 buy ins? (joke).
How the hell do people afford $10K for a buy in?
In fact looking at it objectively from a humanitarian perspective I think it is an outrage people spend so much on a card game when there is so much poverty in the world. You should all be ashamed of yourselves!
Do I get a prize for the most popular post at TPE?
(ok I am just jealous and trying to make myself feel better).
And yes…2017 is shaping up to be the year for great things. At least…there is hope where before there was none, speaking personally. More generally, I can’t wait to see what happens with Brexit and Trump. Man, it’s going to be a fun year for news watching! Even if it means the breakup of the UK and EU and nuclear annihilation of US and Russia and North Korea and China. It’s like watching a slow motion YouTube video of a crash of two articulated lorries…terrifying yet somehow mesmerising.
TPE Pro
August 25, 2012
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Would recommend against playing poker under your current circumstances. There’s nothing good it can do for you until you’re in a better place mentally.
Stick with the therapist as people have suggested, and get working on an exercise regime. Exercise, yoga, meditation – these are three of the things that have been most useful to me over the years. Improving your diet will help massively also.
Our brains follow addictive patterns and form habits easily. If you can form healthy habits, you’ll be on the right path.
Best of luck, it’s not an easy road but you’ll get there.
February 5, 2015
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Mate I have come to a realization…everything is a load of bollocks…we get old then we die…end of story…so make as much money as you can and have as much sex as you can if that is what you enjoy…or eat as much food as you can, or do whatever the hell it is which floats your boat for the longest time possible…because at the end of everything we are all toast anyway…so who cares? In TPE terms this equates to…study as hard as you can at poker to WIN as much $$$ as you can as FAST AS YOU CAN, because money is everything and even if family is everything even that doesn’t last, trust me, so who gives a hot shit about anything?
Hope I helped with your issues. I’m struggling too brother…it all seems like a load of baloney to me also, from where I’m sitting. Fuck it.
If anyone, who is NOT religion-oriented, can help me out with this I’d be interested, for a start.
Perhaps I am an old spirit. This has been suggested to me before. Frankly, it, you (not you personally, just anybody reading this), and everything else bores the living shit out of me. I understand this is a problem with myself, and not anybody else. You put me on a downer here.
(Edit:) The sad and sober truth is that, as a non-religious person, you have to accept the above as reality, and still deal with it, with a sober mind. And I am certain this is the way of the master (and I’m not there yet myself because I still drink a couple of whiskeys of an evening…)
And if any non-religious person cares to dispute the above written with me, believe you me, I will relish the opportunity. I have not yet met a single person who has been able to dent my fundamental belief that life is a bum deal…from the word go.
Please, in the nicest, least threatening kind of a way…bring it on…(and please don’t start with how some people have it so much worse yadda yadda…it’s no friggin’ good…give me something SOLID).
February 5, 2015
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I was having an existential crisis the other night.
I already did find something.
Taoism.
February 5, 2015
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I love this thread. Can we feel free to come here and rant if we are depressed? Actually, I already did and nobody said anything so I guess its ok.
TPE Pro
August 25, 2012
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The Riceman said
I love this thread. Can we feel free to come here and rant if we are depressed? Actually, I already did and nobody said anything so I guess its ok.
I think everyone needs a place to rant sometimes, I don’t see anyone having any issues with it. But beware that sometimes ranting can be a surrogate for more productive solutions to certain issues. Sometimes the frustration that comes with depression or other mental health issues can be best channeled into action, rather than words. I know that’s what makes me feel more in control of my circumstances.
February 5, 2015
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Hey Matt…hmmm…possibly not a reasonable question I was going to ask…so I won’t ask it!
All I will say is that in my experience, it is the deepest thinkers and most sensitive souls who suffer some from depression. You definitely seem like a deep thinker to me! An unfortunate characteristic of depression is the way it depletes motivation…very hard to get motivated when you are depressed…when in fact getting motivated, as you point out, is one route out. It blinds you to it.
100% I know I tried turning off my sensitivity with heavy narcotics for years…which works…but creates a whole world of other pain.
Still, a thread entitled “needs help with depression and alcohol” seems like a reasonable enough place to rant lol.
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