Sometime last year a thread was started in the Tournament Poker Edge forums called “You Know You’re a Poker Player When…”. Hilarity ensued. We’ve decided to capture these all in one place for your enjoyment. If you are a poker player (or even just married to one) we’re sure you can relate to some of these!
“You start chip-shuffling $2 coins together while waiting to pay for your energy drink at the diary. ” – emufart
“After your girlfriend gives you a handjob, you say “nh” ” – emufart
“You watch more videos on tpe than on youporn ” – badabing78
“You get excited when you see the letters AK, AA or KK together, and capitalized in everyday life. ” – RonFezBuddy
“You start calling your sisters new boyfriend “all in” instead of allin ” – bigheaddave
“When your friend tells you someones ‘dead’ you immediately think he has no outs ” – hapetimes
“You wear sunglasses and a hoody to the dinner table ” – emufart
“You triple range merge your stock portfolio to confuse and beat the S&P 500! ” – chip chimp71
“You don’t get angry anymore, you go on ‘life tilt’ ” – G0liath
“When your daughters friend says she went to see the magician you picture antonio esfandiari ” – hapetimes
“Black Friday is not the day after Thanksgiving. ” – praetor
“When cooking a pizza you time in levels. ” – Investpro
“If, after just waking up, you are firing up the TPE forum right after you made coffee.. ” – Bytie_nl
“You practice ‘bluffing’ on your wife.” – swet1
“you don’t have a sex with your girlfriend, but instead you’re pushing it into her. ” – MartinAltman
“When you catch someone in a lie you say “I call”. ” – praetor
“When you do something stupid your wife, kid girlfriend, etc tell you that you are such a donk. ” – praetor
“When you quote Rounders in everyday life. ” – emufart
“Anytime anything unfortunate happens to you your son tells you ‘dad, you run sooooo bad’. ” – Killingbird
“You actually know who Phil Hellmuh is. ” – praetor
“You’re paying for goods with change, you stack em up in piles and push them towards the cashier. ” – Donskey
“The only currency you’re aware of is the amount of buyins you’re spending on something. ” – Moizt
“You calculate the odds of getting a parking ticket vs. the cost of parking and make a decision to park in a no parking zone because it’s +EV in the long run ” – isaacjames
“When you wake up and review you tournaments from the night before, BEFORE!!! you even say hi to your spouse. ” – 0lespaul3
“You set alarm reminders on your phone stating..(focus, patience,discipline,controlled agression, WIN!) ” – 0lespaul3
“Your significant other asks you what your favorite position is and you reply with, “the button.” ” – JLUDEOBV
“You ask your wife if she wants to play “Stuffy Baker”! And then you give her the old “Showski and Hutch”! ” – I3betshove
“You reply “standard” to anyone describing something that didn’t work out for them ” – terbet11
“You prefer to do your gardening rakefree. ” – usedstars
“You refer to sex as binking” – duggs
“When your 8yr old neice gets something she wants, she says ship it. ” – Will Ramirez
“You turn to your divorce attorney and say, “You just SOUL OWNED that DONK!” ” – Zhengix_Khaan
“When you refer to getting rejected at bars to running bad. ” – Nqon
“You and your friends openly tell the world youre railing another guy on twitter” – Zhengix_Khaan
“You are beginning to like the rock version of the katy perry song, even though you heard it 3 times today at the end of the TPE live podcast ” – bennymacca
“Instead of your kids saying “Good Night”, they say “Run Good Daddy”. ” – NatSel
“Your wife nolonger complains about the gatorade bottle on the floor next to the computer. ” – NatSel
“When you have better things to do on a Sunday night than have sex. ” – Carlos
“You have more books than your parents. ” – Kouman
“You go online and buy a PB hat and watch Rounders for the 10th time and actually enjoyed it like it was the first time you ever saw this movie ” – Ch1pCh0p
“Passing through a speed trap while speeding with out receiving a ticket. Once through, you look to your wife and say, “we faded it”. ” – terbet11
“When somebody asks you to ‘Pass the Sugar’ for a coffee / breakfast, an image of Joe Hachem pops into your mind” – hititflush
“So i think you know you are a poker player when your wife actively encourages you to play more ” – bennymacca
“I did buy a used office chair in great condition. I did justify it with “It´s only around ~8-9 avg buy ins.” ” – Nervous Mike
“When you go to a bar and meet all your poker friends in the toilets 55 minutes past the hour, every hour. ” – michae1di11on
“When telling people what you do with your life becomes an hour long conversation every time. ” – michae1di11on
“When you tell people you play poker and they instantly tell you a bad beat story ” –
“When the internet going off angers you more than anyone else on the planet ” – michae1di11on
“When someone asks you your plans for tonight or tomorrow and you have to ask them what day it is ” – michae1di11on
“When your son skype’s you from upstairs saying it’s almost your break time and he needs less than 5 minutes. ” – TheFinkey
“When asked to do anything the converstation starts with ” When your Tournies are over..” ” – TheFinkey
“You make side bets with the better half on who does chores depending on who runs better for the night ” – TheFinkey
“When your middle school son looks at the gatorade bottle next to the computer and asks, “You want me to dump that”? ” – NatSel
“My last two University assignments have been on TPE and Online Poker ” – Liverpool015
“When you list poker on your resume cover letter. ” – TBMeyer42
“Instead of calling a person a liar you just say “I call” ” – ttwist
“My internet was down for 30minutes last night so i went upstairs to talk to my family. They seem like nice people.” – Liverpool015
“When jack king off gets you in trouble. ” – Carlos
“When 10 times a day, you pray for good luck one time. ” – Carlos
“When you say you’re going to grind, you dont have a dance club in mind. ” – Carlos
Feel free to contribute more of your own in the thread in the Tournament Poker Edge forums.
iSoAssassin
Haha classic.
2blacklabs
When your tombstone reads “but I got it in good”